Taking the time to touch a SOUL and say "HI"

I have been busy... what can I say? Too busy to blog! =)

However, I thought I would take a few minutes to just share a poem and a message that digs deep in my soul. A friend emailed me this, I do not know who the author is but kudos to you wherever and whoever you are!

Shoes in church

I showered and shaved, I adjusted my tie. I got there and sat in a pew just in time. Bowing my head in prayer, as I closed my eyes, I saw the shoe of the man next to me, touching my own, and I sighed.

With plenty of room on either side, I thought, 'Why must our soles touch?' It bothered me, his shoe touching mine... But it didn't bother him as much. A prayer began: 'Our Father'............. I thought, 'This man with the shoes has no pride. They’re dusty, worn, and scratched. Even worse, there are holes on the side!'

 'Thank You for blessings,' the prayer went on. The shoe man said a quiet 'Amen.' I tried to focus on the prayer....... But my thoughts were on his shoes again. Aren't we supposed to look our best when walking through that door? 'Well, this certainly isn't it,' I thought, glancing toward the floor.

Then the prayer was ended, and the songs of praise began…the shoe man was certainly loud sounding proud as he sang. His voice lifted the rafters, his hands were raised high. The Lord could surely hear the shoe man's voice from the sky.

It was time for the offering and what I threw in was steep. I watched as the shoe man reached into his pockets real deep. I saw what was pulled out…what the shoe man put in. Then I heard a soft ‘clink’ (like when silver hits tin).

The sermon really bored me to tears (that’s no lie). It was the same for the shoe man (for tears fell from his eyes). At the end of the service (as is the custom here), we must greet new visitors, and show them all good cheer.

But I felt somehow moved and wanted to meet the shoe man. So after the closing prayer, I reached over and shook his hand. He was old, his skin was dark and his hair was truly a mess but I thanked him for coming, for being our guest.

He said, 'My names' Charlie, I'm glad to meet you, my friend.' There were tears in his eyes but he had a large, wide grin. 'Let me explain,' he said, wiping tears from his eyes. 'I've been coming here for months and you're the first to say 'Hi.'' I know that my appearance well, it’s not like all the rest. But I really do try to always look my best. I always clean and polish my shoes before my very long walk…but by the time I get here they're dirty and dusty…just like chalk.'

My heart filled with pain and I swallowed to hide my tears. As he continued to apologize for daring to sit so near… he said, 'When I get here, I know I must look a sight. But I thought if I could touch you, then maybe our souls might unite’.

I was silent for a moment, (knowing whatever was said)… would pale in comparison, so I spoke from my heart, not my head. 'Oh, you've touched me,' I said. ‘And taught me, in part; that the best of any man IS  WHAT’S FOUND IN HIS HEART'. The rest (I thought), this shoe man will never know…like just how thankful I really am, that his dirty old shoe touched my SOUL.

It brought tears streaming down my face as I read this and imagined just how many people we all run across daily that we do not bother to acknowledge and recognize.... how very sad that is.

We are all very busy people. We have hectic lives and emotional chaos at times where we feel life cannot put one more thing on us. I get that... I too have been one of the "we" and "us" I mention here!

My only question is... have people become so callous and so selfish that we don't realize how many lonely people are out there just wishing and waiting for us to just say "Hi"? Are we so busy in our push to get ahead (or just to get by) that we cannot remember to treat another human being, regardless of their appearance , LIKE A HUMAN BEING?

Our God sent His Son to this earth to show us a glimpse of the LOVE that He has for us and yet we, as Christians and as humans can't seem to share a touched sole with someone we feel is not worthy.

Were we worthy of the greatest gift of Salvation? Will we ever be worth of such love and grace that abounds and covers every sin we ever had or ever will have? No!  A resounding NO!  But we have been offered it and it is ours for the taking at any given moment with a simple prayer and a humble sincere heart. It is a gift of eternal life. No matter where we have been or what we have done... there is a peace and healing available 24/7...365 days a year.

As a Believer and as a human , I pray that I do not fall victim to being too busy or too shallow to touch a soul or say "hi" to the next stranger I meet. Love covers so much pain and it brings such a glimmer of hope and happiness that lasts much much longer than the .5 seconds that saying a simple "hi" takes to utter!

God loves you WHERE YOU ARE RIGHT NOW! We are called to make a way for Christ in others lives... not to drag them kicking and bucking into "our churches"... but to be a living testimony and example of the peace and love we have received and to just SHOW that to the world... we are to LOVE others WHERE THEY ARE... forgetting where they have been!

I challenge each of you to take a moment today and make a difference in someone's life! It only takes a few seconds ... but, man... is it ever worth it!

Love Crazy... Love well... and Show the world just who you are in Christ! Selah!

What are the Youth in YOUR COMMUNITY DOING?

What an amazing testimony to the Power of Jesus Christ and the lives that can and will be totally transformed for His Good and His Glory!

This link came through a rather unusal source... on a page not MEANT for it's content but meant for it's LOGO.

I love Jacob Cass from http://justcreativedesign.com/.   I wonder if he realizes that sharing this "LOGO" also just shared the message of the Youth Venture ? ( I have a sneaky feeling... he does!)  =)

Take a moment and watch the video. Check out the page  http://logooftheday.com/2010-11-15-youth-venture/ and get to know what people ARE doing to Change the Youth of Today in the most God like kind of way!

The world seems overwhelming and anyone that has run up against one of the youths of today that suffer the pains and afflictions portrayed in these testimonies has probably once or twice thought "what is this world coming to? How do we save these young people?"  Well, One at a time! And it CAN be done.

It's time that Christians get out of their comfort zone and DO SOMETHING! Stop talking about how bad it is and get involved. Open centers like this. Offer love and support and give these kids somewhere safe to go to. BE good role models and stop blaming the world.

I say this because I myself was not ALWAYS the best mom or the best role model for my own kids. I suffered and they suffered. It is taking me having to  throw it all in and asking God to mold me and make me a better mom and influence and role model for not only my kids, but their friends and their children. They are our FUTURE! If they do not know how to live how are we to expect them to lead our country and our future?

I hope this video has stirred in you a least a little of what it has awakened in me! A desire and a passion to locate, start, join... whatever I need to do. So that the youth of MY area can have a place just like the Youth Venture on the East Coast.

If you know of current programs in YOUR city, please feel free to post them here and share this with others to spread this message and start a change right where you live and love!!

~CrazyFantastic... saying God speed to all!! ~

The Holy Alphabet

I got this from a friend this morning in the mail! I thought it was worth posting cuz it is so original and cool! I do not know the original author!

The Holy Alphabet . . ..

 

Whoever came up with this one must have had some Divine guidance!

Although things are not perfect Because of trial or pain Continue in thanksgiving Do not begin to blame Even when the times are hard Fierce winds are bound to blow God is forever able Hold on to what you know Imagine life without His love J oy would cease to be Keep thanking Him for all the things Love imparts to thee Move out of "Camp Complaining" No weapon that is known On earth can yield the power Praise can do alone Quit looking at the future Redeem the time at hand Start every day with worship To "thank" is a command Until we see Him coming Victorious in the sky We'll run the race with gratitude X alting God most high Y es, there'll be good times and yes some will be bad, but... Z ion waits in glory...where none are ever sad!
"I AM Too blessed to be stressed!" The shortest distance between a problem and a solution is the distance between your knees and the floor. The one who kneels to the Lord can stand up to anything. Love and peace be with you forever, Amen.
 

Why must we surrender?

This morning our Pastor, Travis Zachary (The Refuge) spoke on "Surrendering" with a power that moved me to my core!

As I sat listening to him share a very intense, very vivid dream .... tears rolled down my face. I did nothing to stop them or to hide them. God was speaking directly through Pastor Travis in a way that to some, might seem off the scale... but to me, a new member of this congregation... it was just perfect!





You see... I am what some people might view on the outside as "normal". I certainly can clean up well... was raised in a God fearing and was surrounded by very loving, devoted parents. I have had a "business" career in a totally "acceptable" field and raised 2 great kids. I'm a student, a mom, a nana, a daughter, and a sister!

 I don't have piercings and only have 3 small tattoos. Mild by comparison... I haven't been to prison (although some of my husbands/ long term boyfriends certainly have) ... I don't steal or cheat people... and I am a friend to all in need!

However, INSIDE... I was a wreck! (Still healing.. still growing... still learning)! You see...  I am a Recovering Addict. Meth head, as society calls us. I lost so much, including a husband I adored and was devoted to with everything that I am! Homes... cars... friends... all the furnishings and mementos of a time so far away, it seems... baby pictures and those of my late husband. I live with my grown son... in HIS home, because I have none of my own.

Why do I tell you these things? For the simple fact that I only want you to understand that I have been where some of you are even if I do not appear to be on the outside. I know the thoughts and the struggles and the pain. I know the self-loathing and the degrading acts desperation for love and approval can drive one to. I know the worthlessness and the confusion felt when love is taken away so easily by those that claim to love you the most.

I have fought and fought to "fix" this addiction in me... I have won temporary battles but continually kept losing the war!

Pastor Travis has no idea of the vessel he was today to bring deep to my very being... the one thing I have needed the most, but never totally understood. Surrender! Plain and simple... surrendering to God. Everything I have, everything I am.... surrendering completely and honestly to my Father in Heaven who took His most loved, most precious Son... and heaped ALL the sins of every man, woman and child ... long before we were even born... and took His Glory AWAY from HIS own child FOR US!! I cannot image how painful and wretched that would be for either of them at that moment on the Cross. To know infinite and unexplainable love and beauty and perfection and having it ripped away in a moment because of all the SIN that was heaped upon the Cross and washed with Christs very own blood.

If God could do all that FOR ME and FOR YOU... Why then, do we fight Him or deny Him even one minute thing when He asks us to simply trust Him and FOLLOW Him... to LOVE Him ... to simply ALLOW HIM TO LEAD US AND FILL US AND LOVE US AND GIVE US SO MANY THINGS EVEN OUR GREATEST HEARTS DESIRES CANNOT FATHOM?

I AM HIS CHILD for goodness sake! Just as I would NEVER want my children to hurt or be without... He doesn't either! He want only the best for me and like a baby to a parent... I have to just trust and believe and take His hand... knowing... that HE WILL NEVER LET ME DOWN!!

Thank you Pastor Travis... for the message you brought out of your very personal, very raw ... REAL EXPERIENCE with God this past week. I do not put the glory on you, please do not think so... I KNOW where the message came from and I know that we are only mere vessels God uses. But, Man o Man! I get you! And I thank you!

Praise GOD!

Surrendering my all to my God that has only good things in store for me is the only choice that makes any sense in a world that makes none at all!

Image by http://www.andry122deviantart.com/

For those in the Lubbock Area... Come visit. Come see that no matter what we look like on the outside.... no matter where we have been or what we have done... no matter where you are right now.....  there IS a REFUGE waiting for us all! It's in the arms of God. The following link is to my church.

(http://www.seektherefuge.com/)

Have a wonderful week!

~CrazyFantastic~

A cool link on Surrendering... it's worth the time!

http://whatsthislifefor.org/2009/01/we-surrender-all/

Bon Jovi - It's My Life... or is it?

I was just watching Bon Jovi's "It's my Life" on Youtube and I have to wonder.... after yesterday's church serman... is this really true?

Yes and No!

Yes, God gives us the "free will" to choose HOW we live our lives... but in the end ...

NO! ... for if we live it the way most of us CHOOSE to live it... oh my! We are not gonna like the consequences!

So to surrender to His will and turn our lives over to Him, even though doing is not easy or "fun" at times... sure will give us the rewards in eternity! I choose to follow this path instead!

Pastor Travis from The Refuge, Lubbock Tx spoke yesterday of fighting The Good Fight. ( II Timothy 4: 1-17 (from THE MESSAGE version). ... strong words in a world that chases fads and likes to believe whatever "feels better" to them is the "truth".

As Pastor Travis said, " Being a Christian comes with costs!" Costs hurt! Plain and simple. To walk with God REQUIRES discipline and often it is OURSELVES that become our biggest enemy when choosing truth over lies. Discipline is never "fun' but it is out of LOVE that God disciplines us. He only wants to direct our steps now for the eternity He PROMISED US!!

Going to the scriptures for guidence and truth is the only way we can be sure that we are obeying our Lord! Being prepared for what is sure to arrise by choosing HOW we will react ahead of time allows us to not let the circumstances ( which we all need to realize now ... are only TEMPORARY) take away God's promise.... that is ETERNITY!

So ... it is really My LIFE ? Sure it is.

Do I want to run it myself? NO! I can't even begin to know that things that God has in my future and quite frankly... I would probably live in constant fear knowing. So I choose, no matter how hectic and crazy my circumstances are right now or in the future... to embrace the trust and faith I am daily attaining IN CHRIST ... to handle those "temporary circumstances" with peace and a quiet spirit. He will carry me through WHATEVER comes along!

Pastor Travis likes to say "HOLD FAST"... I like to say  "BE STILL... and KNOW THAT I AM GOD!" ( Psalms 46:10 KJV)

 

"Be Still" in the Bible: Psalm 46:10
There are times to speak up and take action--but sometimes it's important to just humbly sit back and silently reflect on God's presence. This psalm encourages us to take time to meditate quietly in the assurance that God is in control.

I have to trust that God is ALWAYS in control! Not me! .... and what peace we have when we can be believe HIS WORD and HIS PROMISES  and just let Him handle all the temporaries in our lives!!

 

Have a Crazy FANTASTIC week!! =)

When Letting go is the right thing to do....

Sometimes we get lonely and when the ex is still contacting us.... we entertain the thought that, well... if only ...!

But when you have beat that poor dead horse into the ground... tried everything from couseling to separation (numerous times) ... dated his friend (just kidding... seeing if you were paying attention!) it's time to just bury the beast and move on. But what if we are stuck in that limbo hell? The one "between relationships"? The one where our heart still loves the last one, but can't seem to forgive and forget the pain he caused?

 Sometimes we have to step back and re-evaluate our feelings.

Are they coming from just lonliness? If a new guy came in and wow'd us... would we even think twice about the ex? Probably not. Afterall... we are not together for a very good reason. One or both just couldn't make it work. Don't get me wrong. As much as that sounds like a "failure" statement, it is not meant to be one.

Relationships are hard work! They require constant open and honest communication. A skill so many people are malnourished in. They require that you be "considerate"... allllll the time. (No one deserves to be treated less-than or insignifigant. We ALL want to matter, especially to the one we bare our hopes and dreams and future with!) They require sacrifice and unselfishness. They require us to "understand" and "sympthize". A give and take, when often it feels like we are the only one giving. They require patience and forgiveness. And most of all they require unconditional love. A concept humans have a real struggle with.

We are selfish creatures by nature. Wanting what we want, when we want it. So how do we balance what we see for our future with what our partner sees?We FIND the right partner in the first place by getting to really know them before jumping to the "next step".

I recently joined a dating site in which long term relationships seem to be the goal... and there is not much patience by most to actually LET the relationship move at a casual pace. I am disappointed to say the least. What ever happened to casual conversation? Has the 3 date rule turned into a 3- EMAIL RULE?
They say "hi", you say "hi"... they want your number... you call... the date must be immediate? Maybe I am missing something here. Maybe I do not belong on a site yet. But , I DID state very clearly my intentions and limitations. I have a very busy schedule with school work and church. Those are my priorities for this period of my life. If I wanted to throw them away for another man and what HE thinks should be important... I would go back to my ex. At least then... I know what the routine is!

There is one who knows the concept and the reality of uncondional love. That is My God. So as lonliness sets in and human nature rears it's ugly head. I only know , at this point in my life, to pray that the ex stops contacting me as it keeps my heart in turmoil... and pray that the lonliness is replaced with His love and His comfort as only God can do.  Maybe once I stop looking to "man" to give me the love I so desire... God will work in me to make the woman he created me to be...maybe then, He will hook me up with someone He created FOR me to love!

Hey!! I forgot about my Google Doc acct!

Ok... so I remembered... I have a Google Doc acct and so I used it to upload the church bulletin!

Go check it out!! And feel free to tell me what you think!

https://docs.google.com/fileview?id=0B0Z028bkb75eN2FlOWEyZDctZWU0MS00ODk5LWEwMzEtOWJjODQ5NzM5Yzkx&hl=en

Thanks!
CrazyFantastic

Do I need to enroll in another class for this?

The day started off  with a bang! Harps and Christian praises. I was bound and determined to open my Bible first before any ummmm... ex mail!! lol So I did! Right after closing my eyes and asking that God reveal to me His lesson for my life ... and boy did he reveal!

Beattitudes! HUH? But Lord? I always try to have such a positive , sweet attitude! What gives? (Matt. 5: 1-12)

"Blessed are the poor in spirit..."  (but my spirit is rich with joy, God!)
"Blessed are they that mourn..." ( but God, aren't I through mourning? He
                                                        has been gone over 7 years!)
"Blessed are the meek..." (OH! OK... meek might be an issue!)
"Blessed are they which hunger and thirst after righteousness..." ( I do! I do!)
"Blessed are the merciful..." (Awww... come on! I try! But did you see what
                                                 they did?)
"Blessed are the peacemakers..." (Cool... I got that one!)
"Blessed are they which are persecuted for righteousness' sake..." (ummm... ?)
"Blessed are ye, when men (ex's) revile you, and persecute you, and shall say 
  all manner of evil against you falsely, for my names sake. REJOICE and be
  EXCEEDINGLY GLAD, for great is your  reward in heaven...." (YAY!
                                                                                                       Whoot whoot!)

I know ... He promises... Mine is the Kingdom of Heaven, I WILL be comforted, I WILL inherit the earth, I WILL be filled, I WILL obtain mercy, I WILL see God, I WILL be called His Child, and I WILL have great rewards in Heaven!

This spurred me on to watch one of Mark Crow's on-line services (He is awesome.. if you get a chance go check it out! http://www.victorychurch.tv/
I cannot say enough about him and his wonderful sense of humor and passion for not only us but for Our Lord! You will laugh and be fed fantastically with just a short 25 min video. They are my church home in Oklahoma City, Ok. and I really miss them! Shout out to Victory Church in OKC!! =) I love you guys!

So... feeling rejuvinated and ready to conquer the world. I set about tackling my new project of love... our church bulletin.

Now, remember.... I am in school for Interior Design... NOT Graphic Design! It is a whole different, amazing world!! Creative Design (Jacob Cass) is a friend on Facebook so I have to say I am increasingly becoming intrigued by this whole Logo and reworking pics type thing. Check out his site at http://justcreativedesign.com/

But... the programs feel like I need a B.S. in them to work! Maybe my mind just does not grasp all the "tech lingo" ... hence the INTERIOR DESIGNER FUTURE!! Lol

I want to say... the brochure turned out beautiful, If I may say so myself! Problem is... It's a WORD document that I did it on and no amount of saving it to any PDF ...XPS... etc etc... is helping me to figure out how to upload it to this blog ... or anywhere else that is! LOL

I have the "picture" and "link" thing down! And I see a little icon for a "movie" up there in my ribbon (HA! I DO know a little lingo! thanks to my Computer App class! ) but.... ????? I do not know what to do from here!

I'm usually pretty good at research but I'm tired and my head hurts from so much creating today!

Jacob... if you are reading this... HELP!! LOL
Anyone else know how to help? HELP!!! =)

Night everyone in my Crazy Fantastic World!!
                                                   

Purple... you gotta love this!!

WOW! I just had to share this totally amazing room ! For all the fellow "purple" lovers (come on... it's NOT girly!!) ! It's down right stunning!

Now that... is room a Crazy Fantastic girl could hang out in!!

Just when I thought I was feeling down....

Ok... so I'm feeling sore from moving furniture and not quite my happy girl self today when my Westwood Success Coach calls me to visit with me about my new term(  we are in our 2nd week... on a new "MyPath" Blackboard system).

School is great... actually already "found" the project tab in ALL my classes FIRST this term... they did kinda surprise me and left me tazmanian devil like state of mind last term when...."SURPRISE SURPRISE!!... oh! you did not know?? It's due in a couple of weeks... you should have been working on it the whole term!!"

So... with my projects well underway (I can have a little bit of a life now!) ... and the new platform or whatever it is... MyPath... being pretty easy to understand and navigate. I have NO PROBLEMS to report to Korie.

What I never saw coming was her little BIG news that I made the Presidents List last term with a 4.0! OH MY!  =)  Now THAT'S COOL!! And sure could not have come at a better time.

You see... I have an ex. He's not a pleasant man to be polite and not drag ALLLL my dirt up in here... but, for others who know what it is like to experience verbal abuse ... I have great news for you! GET AWAY AS FAST AS YOU CAN .... You REALLY can rise above that little (sometimes not so quiet..) voice in your head !!!!  You know.... the one that sounds a whole heck of alot like that person who tells you how stupid you are, or what a failure you are and how you can NEVER be or have anything without them!???

I did it! So can others. I know that I am not any more "special" than every other human being on this earth! You just have to start making the steps toward getting away from people like that. It will take alot of fake bravada and pretending you believe it at first. You might even wear on a few close friends as you gain the confidence we so desperately need to break that chain of hopelessness and despair. ( and it helps to keep your Lord real tight next to you at this point too!  He can offer what no human can offer 100% of the time.... unconditional love and support, always the "right words" at the "right time" and man... can He ever cure the lonliness and worry giving you peace like none other! )

I'm not gonna preach... We have Pastors and Preachers and Teachers for that! I only want to encourage others, hopefully by example and testimony... because I have been there.... I AM THERE!  But... I aint staying much longer!! =)

I do not "plan" my blogs... they just sorta happen! Feel free to share them, feel free to comment! I write them purely because I feel led to. If no one ever reads them... they at least help me get some junk out of this everychanging, ever GROWING, heart and mind of mine!!

(Crazy Fantastic tip: IF you are reading this and are having problems with an abusive partner ... please reach out to someone immediately! Time is so precious and life is meant to be lived and enjoyed. God has so many wonderful FANTASTIC and yes... CRAZY (good) things to pour on you and in you! Wasting one extra day with someone who does not love and appreciate you the way that God designed and created you for is a heartbreak for everyone who loves you! Do NOT worry or think you will be a burden! The REAL burden is watching us stay and be hurt and NOT being able to help us! No one can make that choice for us! We have to do it ourselves... they are just there to help when we do! Don't wait another minute! Be cautious, Be Smart! Sneaky is a good thing when leaving abusive partners! Your life (and those of your kids if you have some) is worth it!! God Bless us and keep us protected~ ! )

The love of sisters.... and a Double Rainbow from God!

I am one blessed girl!! I have 4 wonderful and amazing sisters!!

I was frustrated this morning... dishes in the sink and trash not taken out! UCK! I live with my son and his family at this point and normally things are really pretty easy going for me. I try to stay out of their "personal issues" as no one wants a Mom to tell them at 21 yrs old... how to live and what to do anymore! Right? So ... the trash was high... spilling really. And I was just kinda irritated, must have woke up on the wrong side of the bed. And my oldest sis calls... she lives an hour and a half away but we have not seen each other since July (she is a jet setter !! LOL Just returned from a trip to Greece with her wonderful hubby!) ... anyhow, she is working at the Ronald McDonald house as she does quite regularly... and it's here in Lubbock, so she is checking my schedule so we can meet up!

I clear it!! LOL... (I got this! ...this school thing down, that is!) So we make plans to go explore the SAMS Club (she needs BULK diapers and I need groceries) and any time spent with my sis is a pleasure! 

We do our shoppin... and she asks if I wanna go meet our other sis at Caprock ... a restaurant here in Lubbock... for chips, salsa, and a couple of beers! WELL...how silly of a question! Of course I do!! 

Not only do I get great conversation... kidding , pokin, laughing, etc. but someone points out a really cool rainbow forming. Well, if you have ever been to Caprock and sat on their "covered" porch... you will appreciate the cool breeze, the sweet smell of the fresh rain, and the view (normally is only of a parking lot!!) however , today was of this rainbow. I thought it was "pretty" and always having a camera on me... I snapped a few pics. Then the SECOND rainbow shows up and I am truly in awe! (yep! Got some pics of that too!)

God always reminds us in so many beautiful and wondrous ways that we are blessed and showered with His love and kindness! A once in a lifetime "double rainbow" and 2 of my 4 "one-of-a-kind" sisters there to see it with me!!

How great is our God?

Was my attitude the same when I came back home ? No! How could it be? Plus... my wonderful son was at the stove making dinner, trash was gone, dishes were clean!

My sisters and me!

I'm a happy, blessed and loved girl today and I feel Crazy Fantastic!!

When we surrender to God's will... wonderful things happen!

Last night was crazy... went to my cousin's house to join in a small get together with many more family members the I have not seen in close to 20 years!! Things got emotional... things got heated... then things ended in hugs and kisses! Isn't it funny how families are?

I drank a little much ... that has not happened in , hmmmm.... maybe 2-3 years! So, my need to hit the porcelain throne overwhelmed me! UCK!  Don't think I will do that one again for a long time!

And  the next paragraph....

Church! Sound funny moving from getting drunk to going to church sound hypocritical??????  I am not your "churchy" kind of girl... however, I have a ever growing, every loving relationship with my God so ... yes! I went to church this morning. Feeling not so well physically, I pushed myself to get dressed and get there anyhow.

I am so glad I did! You see... God knows me well!  =)  He has graciously and lovingly kept me safe and He loves me unconditionally. What a gift that is... in a world so cold at times. He has held my hand when Quinn (my husband) died 7 1/2 yrs ago. He has gone before me to keep me safe when I made stupid choices to use meth. He now walks with me and provides for me as I seek Him and pursue not only my continued education but as I learn to live Meth-FREE!! (Praise Him!! ) Do I feel like a "hypocrite"... no! I feel "REAL"!!!!

Real is admitting we are no where near perfect but we are trying to be better!
Real is understanding that we can not fix anything or anyone... Only God can!
Real is brave and open and honest! Who we are, what we have done, and what God is doing in our lives each and every day to bring us closer to Him so that He may shine through us!!

Pastor Travis (of my new church home, The Refuge) spoke today on the two things God wants us to do. REPENT and SURRENDER!  As he spoke, I felt a stirring in my heart to give to the church the gifts and the talents God created in me! (could this be surrendering?) I have never "given" to the churches I have attended throughout my lifetime except my offerings. So this will be a journey and a blessing for me to begin! I'm so excited! I just had to share it with whoever might stumble upon this post!

What am I giving? ME! My time and a weekly bulletin. You see... I like to take notes, and God uses them at pre-planned dates and times when I will need them for a certain circumstance or challenge I might be facing. It's seems to be His way of reminding me of His word and His love! The Refuge does not currently have a weekly bulletin... so, after church this morning I offered my services (being purely amateur! LOL) to create and produce them each week. I have to give ALL the glory and honor to Christ as I leap out there with both feet ! I feel the peace of My God telling me to just follow and HE will give me the words to print and messages HE wants the readers to hear!

I left Church feeling alive and excited!! I couldn't have asked for more this morning!! =)

And finally... I got the opportunity to play "interior designer" for a friend the rest of the day! That ... is truly my other passion in life and one that I am currently in school for! I lay down this evening, a little sore from moving large furniture around and crawling up and down a chair to hang pictures and create a home for Heather to come home to everynight! My brain is a little tired from "creating" lol... thinking of "how would this look" ... "ok.. move this there, NOW how does it look?" ... "will she like it?" ... " am I reflecting HER style and not my own!!"  (although mine is pretty Fantastic!! LOL) But my soul is at peace and so very content and happy!

Now THAT... Is a Crazy -- Fantastic Day!

ahhh... peace and quiet for the body and soul!

I just finished a long day fighting computer applications and web sites that I "had" to learn. My head is pounding a little... but, my homework is done for the week (yay!) ... my business has a few products on it... not really the kind I am looking for, but some. Now I can rest and just browse. (I really should get cable TV so I could just veg in front of it instead of working and planning and researching for projects so much!)

But alas... I am not irritated by this laptop at the moment... nor do I really care about the "business" I  am building... tomorrow is another day! BIG improvement on earlier today.. huh? =)

Tomorrow's to do list?...

GOODY!! I get to "create" and "design"! (My friend has ended a long relationship and found her and her youngest daughter a new townhome! They request the services of this student designer. Nothing major... I don't get to go shop for cool stuff. (We are both broke!! LOL) ... but I do get to arrange it into a warm and comforting space for her and Maddie to come "home" to and that is good enough for me!

Then.... I have a cousin coming in from where I just left (Oklahoma) ... and her and her sis and a few other friends and family are gonna get together and just  be silly!!  I can't wait!!

It's been a long time since I have seen her... she lived in a different town in Okla. and I had no idea she was that close!!

The older I get... and the more break-ups and crap I experience (yep.. I've had my share! ) .. the more I realize how very special and important friends and family are!

(CrazyFantastic tip for tonight: Hold your family near and dear to you! Life is so very, very short and people come and go. Some before we want them to ... some not near fast enough!! ha ha... We all misunderstand, misinterpret, and sometimes just don't understand! Don't let it fester and ruin a lifetime of memories you could be making with your sister or brother or cousin or parent. You will look back when they are gone and regret it! Handle it now! Today! Call them.. write them!! Fix the issue .. if only to say " we disagree on the issue". Hold strong the bonds of family ties! They are what holds us as a piece of each other when one of us passes away. )

Day 1... EEEK!!

Ok... So not only am I enrolled in school full time for Interior Design... but I have tackled the chore (and I do mean chore) of doing one of these 'Work at home' businesses!! Right now... my head is pounding and I wish nothing more than to THROW this computer on the floor and storm out of my room!!

"You must sign up for a Twitter acct.. a blog... get on Digg.... " is what the instructions are for this new "make money from the comfort of your home" business tutorials tell me!

Oh... and don't forget to pick your products from hundreds of thousands... they forget to tell you how LONG it will take to look at each and every one, attach it to your "site" and just try and relocate the page you were quickly!!

I'm not illiterate! I am enrolled in ON LINE SCHOOL for gosh sakes!! I have emails... I have ... YES! FACEBOOK!! =) I know Craigslist... Yahoo... Google!

OK! BREATHE!! =)

Let's look at this another way!

1) I am ALIVE and HEALTHY!!!
2) I have the opportunity to have the things others do not... (attending college, start a business, have a computer... heck! Have a home and electricty! )
3) Throwing this computer WILL not make all this suddenly disappear.. my school won't get done... my business web page will not build itself! And I really don't wanna have to go buy another laptop!!
4) I can do this!! (after a short time out!! ) =)
5) I can do all things through Christ!!

So... I will take a self induced "time out" for awhile and return fresh in mind and spirit!!

(CrazyFantastic's tip of the day: When we find ourselves overwhelmed and frustrated... taking a moment or two, even an hour or more... is GOOD ! Don't feel like you are wasting time or procrastinating. REJUVINATING is essential for peaceful minds and peaceful lives! No matter how crazy it gets!)