This morning our Pastor, Travis Zachary (The Refuge) spoke on "Surrendering" with a power that moved me to my core!
As I sat listening to him share a very intense, very vivid dream .... tears rolled down my face. I did nothing to stop them or to hide them. God was speaking directly through Pastor Travis in a way that to some, might seem off the scale... but to me, a new member of this congregation... it was just perfect!
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You see... I am what some people might view on the outside as "normal". I certainly can clean up well... was raised in a God fearing and was surrounded by very loving, devoted parents. I have had a "business" career in a totally "acceptable" field and raised 2 great kids. I'm a student, a mom, a nana, a daughter, and a sister!
I don't have piercings and only have 3 small tattoos. Mild by comparison... I haven't been to prison (although some of my husbands/ long term boyfriends certainly have) ... I don't steal or cheat people... and I am a friend to all in need! However, INSIDE... I was a wreck! (Still healing.. still growing... still learning)! You see... I am a Recovering Addict. Meth head, as society calls us. I lost so much, including a husband I adored and was devoted to with everything that I am! Homes... cars... friends... all the furnishings and mementos of a time so far away, it seems... baby pictures and those of my late husband. I live with my grown son... in HIS home, because I have none of my own.
Why do I tell you these things? For the simple fact that I only want you to understand that I have been where some of you are even if I do not appear to be on the outside. I know the thoughts and the struggles and the pain. I know the self-loathing and the degrading acts desperation for love and approval can drive one to. I know the worthlessness and the confusion felt when love is taken away so easily by those that claim to love you the most.
I have fought and fought to "fix" this addiction in me... I have won temporary battles but continually kept losing the war!
Pastor Travis has no idea of the vessel he was today to bring deep to my very being... the one thing I have needed the most, but never totally understood. Surrender! Plain and simple... surrendering to God. Everything I have, everything I am.... surrendering completely and honestly to my Father in Heaven who took His most loved, most precious Son... and heaped ALL the sins of every man, woman and child ... long before we were even born... and took His Glory AWAY from HIS own child FOR US!! I cannot image how painful and wretched that would be for either of them at that moment on the Cross. To know infinite and unexplainable love and beauty and perfection and having it ripped away in a moment because of all the SIN that was heaped upon the Cross and washed with Christs very own blood. I AM HIS CHILD for goodness sake! Just as I would NEVER want my children to hurt or be without... He doesn't either! He want only the best for me and like a baby to a parent... I have to just trust and believe and take His hand... knowing... that HE WILL NEVER LET ME DOWN!!
Thank you Pastor Travis... for the message you brought out of your very personal, very raw ... REAL EXPERIENCE with God this past week. I do not put the glory on you, please do not think so... I KNOW where the message came from and I know that we are only mere vessels God uses. But, Man o Man! I get you! And I thank you!
Praise GOD!
Surrendering my all to my God that has only good things in store for me is the only choice that makes any sense in a world that makes none at all!
Image by http://www.andry122deviantart.com/
For those in the Lubbock Area... Come visit. Come see that no matter what we look like on the outside.... no matter where we have been or what we have done... no matter where you are right now..... there IS a REFUGE waiting for us all! It's in the arms of God. The following link is to my church.
Have a wonderful week!
~CrazyFantastic~
A cool link on Surrendering... it's worth the time!
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